Grief

With just over a half a century on this earth I am no stranger to grief. Its most searing effect for me has been in the loss of a loved one. But grief comes in many forms. We tend to forget that grief visits us as the loss of a job, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a goal, perhaps the loss of a home – the common theme here is the word loss. Grief becomes pervasive when we lose something and while we work through the many stages of grief, depression can rear its ugly head in the process.

I love the phrase “it’s ok to not be ok!” Grief is the epitome of that phrase. We hurt because something we loved or desired is gone, unattainable or unachievable. Grief upends our normal routines and the homeostasis of our life throwing everything out of whack sounds much like depression too! Grief and depression tend to walk together, hand in hand.

Just today, a fresh wave of grief came as I learned a family member has stage 4 cancer. Loss of your health is devastating in so many ways. And there it is, another form of grief. In times of grief it is vital that we stay active, and try to maintain even the simplest of routines. But, it is also important to talk to someone, whether it’s a friend, family member or even a counselor. Being able to express and process grief is critical for the healing process. Have you ever wondered what counseling is? Simply put it is a dedicated time where you can meet and connect with another person who understands and empathizes with where you are at and holds the space for you to process your grief in a safe, non judgemental way. We humans are meant to connect with others and when we cannot, our grief can morph into depression.

What are the stages of grief? Historically there have been five key stages. But psychologists today posit that there are seven emotional stages of grief. These are usually understood to be shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope. Symptoms of grief can be emotional, physical, social, or even religious in nature. Each stage can present its own challenges and leave us feeling like we are on a giant roller coaster of emotions. Grief isn’t linear, as you might experience each stage much like the aforementioned roller coaster within any given moment, in any order or even experience some stage(s) over and over. This is all normal. 

A critical component to navigating grief is processing each stage with compassion for yourself. While you acknowledge each stage and work through it, give yourself grace. The end game is not to do away with grief but rather to process it in a healthy way that inspires a path to peace that is truly heartfelt. Our mental health is important and is finally emerging in our society as something of real importance. Insurance companies have begun to cover mental health as any other medical issue. Society is finally pushing back against the stigma of depression, grief and anxiety, encouraging individuals to seek help when none was offered in the past.

If you are struggling with grief, depression or anxiety reach out, it is such a hard first step but so important in the healing of our minds. Make today the day of change to a happier, healthier you!